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Choosing the right gift for someone undergoing cancer treatment requires more than good intentions.
It takes some awareness and empathy. If you want to give a thoughtful gift that will be used and appreciated, read on.
You’ll learn the worst gifts for a cancer patient, why some can be considered offensive, and how some common gifts are harmful to people with cancer.
After you read this list and know what not to get, visit some of my other blog posts on the best gifts for kids with cancer, men, women, people in hospice, and caregivers.
Understanding What the Person with Cancer May be Experiencing
In the most simple terms, a cancer diagnosis is like being sucked into a tornado on a perfectly clear, cloudless day.
One minute, you’re moving through life in a regular routine and have plans and dreams for the future.
The next moment, your life has been turned upside down, and you’re spinning in circles with chaos all around you.
You don’t know when it will stop, or if you’ll even survive the ordeal, or the wake of destruction it will leave in its path.
Beyond the physical challenges, many emotional, mental, financial, spiritual, and social concerns also come with a cancer diagnosis.
(This is why I focus on the 6 pillars of holistic health with my clients).
So before you head to the store or start randomly shopping online, pause and think about a few things:
- What do you know about the person with cancer? Are they reserved and shy (and may not want t-shirts or things announcing to the world that they have cancer)?
- Do they have a dark sense of humor (so would appreciate some gallows humor)?
- What are some of their favorite activities?
It’s important to remember they’re a person that happens to have cancer. Cancer should not define them.
It’ll be important to still talk about and do the same things you did before their diagnosis. - What do you know about the type of cancer they have?
Note: This does NOT mean bombarding them with questions. But if they’ve shared with you that their cancer is hormone-dependent, that can steer you away from some gifts.
For instance, people with cancer are often gifted cozy blankets or fuzzy socks.
But patients receiving treatment for hormone-dependent cancers like some breast cancers or prostate cancer, rather than being cold, may have frequent hot flashes since their treatments mess with their hormones. In these cases, a misting fan might be a better gift.
If you don’t know the specifics about their cancer, that’s ok. But if you do, you might be able to tailor their gift to what they may need most.
Why Certain Gifts May Be Harmful
Some gifts, while given from a place of concern and caring, can be harmful to someone with cancer.
When the patient’s immune system is weakened, some gifts can cause an infection. Others may go against restrictions their doctor may have put into place while they’re in treatment.
Some beauty products can even cause allergic reactions or increase skin sensitivity to someone undergoing cancer treatment.
Some gifts may cause discomfort or even offense. Gifts that are cancer-centric may make someone feel like all they are is their diagnosis.
They may prefer to receive a great gift that celebrates who they are as a person and their interests.
The last thing we want to do is offend a gift recipient. But that’s what some gifts like wigs or lingerie can do, making the recipient feel like their value and worth are tied to their appearance.
Comments can also be extremely hurtful, even when you don’t mean them to be.
Check out my book on what to say and what not to say to a cancer patient for a guide on how to talk to a friend or loved one with cancer.
Humor is subjective, and what one finds funny, another might be hurt by certain comments or conversations.
As an example, think about the phrase ‘Get well soon.’
To most, it’s a nice gesture, and you sincerely want the person to get better soon, so you pick out a Get Well Soon card for them. However, these statements can cause more stress for a person with cancer.
They may be in treatment for months or years, and those with metastatic (stage 4) cancer can expect to be in some sort of treatment or observation for the rest of their life.
They don’t know if or when they’ll “be well” again, so this can be frustrating or depressing.
It’s never the intention to hurt someone we care about, so I’ve created this post – to give people a glimpse into things to consider when buying a gift for a person with cancer – so you can avoid items on this list and instead give good gifts.
Let’s get into the top 10 worst gifts for people with cancer and why they’re not a good idea.
Top 10 Worst Gifts for a Cancer Patient
1. Unsolicited Medical Advice
2. Flowers
3. Balloons
4. Food
5. Scented Items
6. Cancer-Focused Gifts
7. Appearance-Related Gifts
8. Scheduled Social Events
9. Impractical Gifts
10. High Maintenance Gifts
Unsolicited Medical Advice
Nobody likes to be told what to do, and that includes people with cancer.
Telling them what they should or should not do for treatment is one of the worst things you can do (unless they specifically ask for your opinion or ask you to help them do research when they’re trying to decide on a treatment plan).
Patients should work in partnership with their healthcare team to develop a plan they’re comfortable with. They need to be able to trust their team and communicate openly with them.
Being hounded with advice they didn’t ask for in the first place is frustrating.
Pushing someone to complete alternative treatments they’re not comfortable with can destroy a relationship. You may be a well-intentioned friend, but they are the ones who get to decide what treatments they will or will not pursue.
Along the same vein, DO NOT tell someone that your cousin’s neighbor’s mailman’s mom had the same kind of cancer and they died.
That information serves no purpose and can really discourage someone who might be doing all they can to be positive in the moment.
Flowers or Plants
It’s natural to think that a bouquet of flowers would cheer someone up when they’re feeling down. But for people with cancer, they can be deadly.
Flowers and plants can carry bacteria and fungal spores. These spores are harmless to a healthy person, but for someone whose immune system is weakened, can cause an infection.
I’ve also heard from countless patients that flowers are depressing. As one said, “It’s something I have to watch wither and die, and I’m already stressing and thinking about dying enough. I don’t need something else that’s going to remind me of death.”
Instead, consider paper flowers. They’ll still bring color to a room and can lift someone’s spirits, but will last much longer than real flowers.
Balloons
Balloons are problematic for a few reasons:
* Latex balloons can trigger an allergic reaction
* Metallic balloons can interfere with some electronic equipment
* Strings can get tangled in medical equipment, IV poles, etc, and can be a safety hazard to the patient and the staff caring for the person.
Instead, paper flowers or photos can brighten up the space in a safe and healthy way.
Food
Patients may have food allergies that you might not be aware of. Also, their doctor may have told them to avoid certain foods altogether or during treatment.
Cancer treatments like chemotherapy and radiation therapy can affect one’s taste buds differently. Some develop dry mouth or mouth sores, while others find everything has a metallic taste.
Often, foods that were once considered favorites make them sick or are completely unappetizing.
If you want to give food as a gift, first ask if the individual has any dietary restrictions. Then, ask what sounds good to them so they can pick the food items they want.
Even better, give a gift certificate to a store or restaurant so they can order whatever is allowed and sounds good to them at the time.
Scented Items
Taste isn’t the only sense that can change during cancer treatment. The sense of smell can also be affected. What once smelled good could cause nausea or headaches.
So, instead of picking up a spa set with good smelling lotions, essential oils, or perfumes, buy a basket of goodies with unscented items that nourish the skin and pamper the patient without scents that can bother them.
Cancer-Focused Gifts
Some may want to read everything they can about cancer, while others want to be distracted from their reality of treatments and scans.
So, books and movies about cancer should be avoided unless the person asks you for a specific title.
People don’t want their entire identity to become ‘the cancer patient’. They’ve got the same interests, sense of humor, etc, that they did before cancer was found.
They may appreciate any gift NOT centered around cancer most of all.
Also, some may not relate to the words ‘Cancer Warrior’, ‘Fighter’, or ‘Cancer Survivor’. This is because they may feel like they’re not really brave; they’re simply fighting to stay alive.
Then there’s the connotation that there’s a winner and loser in the fight against cancer, and if they don’t ‘win’ (become cancer-free), there’s something wrong with them.
Pay attention to the words they use and use those phrases.
People who are quiet and reserved may not appreciate items that announce to the world that they have cancer (think head-to-toe pink ribbon-adorned items for breast cancer).
Take some time to consider how they may respond to a gift like this before shopping.
Finally, the cancer-related gifts that are overly positive or inspirational can add to, rather than relieve, the emotional burden of cancer.
It’s important to remind people with cancer that everything they are feeling is valid.
Not every day is going to be an upbeat, happy day. The cancer experience is an emotional roller coaster.
Patients don’t have to ‘just stay positive’. This toxic positivity approach can cause more harm than it can help.
As a side note, some people love these gifts, especially those that are irreverent or have dark humor. These can bring a good laugh to people with that sense of humor.
This is where it helps to know the personality of the patient.
Appearance-Related Gifts
It’s common for people with cancer to have conflicting feelings and concerns about their body image, especially if their treatment includes surgery that alters their appearance.
Hair scrunchies, hats, or beanies may focus on the fact that the person is losing or has lost their hair. This may make the patient feel even more self-conscious about how they look.
Similarly, if they’ve never worn much makeup before and are gifted cosmetics so they can “look and feel better”, this could be the kind of gift that may make them feel worse about themselves and their appearance.
Instead, an unflavored lip balm would be a perfect gift because almost everyone can use lip balm at one time or another, not just chemo patients.
This is a useful gift rather than one that can bring their spirits down.
Scheduled Social Events
An extravagant gift like concert tickets may come from a place of love, but it’s important to know that the patient doesn’t know what they’ll be doing or how they’ll be feeling on that specific day and time.
They may feel obligated to attend an event because they were gifted tickets, even if they don’t feel well or are advised to avoid crowded places.
Instead of buying tickets to a sporting event, for example, let them know if they’re feeling up to it that day, you’ll bring whatever food they want, and you can ‘tailgate’ with them at home.
Your company while watching a favorite sports team may be a welcomed gift.
If they’re not feeling well that day, you can reschedule for a different day when there’s another game.
Impractical Gifts
Here’s another category where it helps to know the person you’re buying a gift for.
Avoid impractical gifts like bath bombs if their apartment only has a shower. Same with buying them tea if they hate tea and only drink coffee.
Instead, consider a gift card to their favorite store so they can pick out exactly what they’d like to bring them a little comfort.
Receiving a package in the mail can bring someone great joy, knowing they’ve selected items they’re looking forward to receiving.
High-Maintenance Gifts
I know of a single mom who was gifted a puppy for herself and her 2 kids shortly after she had a mastectomy. Her immediate reaction was shock, followed by frustration and anger in the following days.
She’d always wanted this breed of dog, but here was yet another being she had to worry about taking care of and keeping alive when she was already stressed about her own health and what the future looked like for her and her kids.
Puppies are cute but can be a lot to handle, especially when you’re not feeling well. The added financial burden of raising a puppy was also overwhelming.
This is a prime example of a bad gift. Consider the person with cancer may need to preserve their energy and may not feel up to taking on any new responsibilities.
Don’t be the person who gifts something that requires a lot of energy or is expensive to maintain.
Instead, consider gift cards to streaming services or ebooks that can be enjoyed when they feel up to it.
Final Thoughts
It’s great that you’ve taken the time to read this post so you can avoid unwanted or unhelpful gifts and instead find appropriate gifts.
Now you know what to avoid and have some suggestions on alternative gifts to consider.
Remember that a gift doesn’t have to be extravagant.
Your care and concern can be demonstrated in lots of little ways – from including a personal note with a gift to practical support like helping out with housekeeping or errands to gifting cozy, soft pajamas or a gift certificate to a meal delivery service.
The most important thing is that you’re sharing good thoughts and thoughtful gestures during a difficult time in someone’s life.
By taking some time to consider the appropriateness of a gift and avoiding items on this list of worst gifts for a cancer patient, you’re well on your way to finding a perfect gift for the person you care about.
